Many years ago, when I was about to discover a Celtic Wiccan tradition of witchcraft, I had one of my usual crazy dreams.
I had just celebrated my 30th birthday not that long ago. I had moved to a new area with a boyfriend who was completely wrong for me. My health was failing and on top of it, I was being guided toward the Celtic traditions of Wicca.
At the time, I was looking for Faery Magick, and not quite sure why. My (57th part) Irish descent must have been calling to me. I found the local metaphysical shop quite by accident. I visited the store not really knowing what I was looking for. I only knew that what I needed had to do with some weird Faery Magick and it was at that store.
I was there walking around waiting to be pointed in the right direction. Expecting whatever it was to jump out at me as it revealed itself in some mysterious way. It was a tiny shop. No bigger than a large walk-in closet. My boyfriend asked me, “What are you looking for? Maybe I can help you find it”. I replied, “I am not really sure what I am looking for. Something about Faery Magick”.
Just to be clear, I didn’t believe in Fairies or Witches at the time.
About that time, the store clerk happily piped up. “Oh, you are looking for Faery Wicca. We have both books, One and Two”. Excitedly, I grabbed them up not really knowing what it was about, but I made my purchase anyway. Little did I know, those books were going to give me answers to questions I didn’t even know I had.
That is when I learned there was a goddess in the Celtic Tradition called, The Morrigan.
One night, shortly before my life began to spiral into a constant state of change, I had a very disturbing dream. Perhaps it was a message to warn me of the impending difficulties ahead. I wasn’t sure and had no clue.
I found myself in a dream, walking through a field covered with dismembered body parts. As I stood in the middle of the field, all I could see for miles was dismembered arms, legs, heads, and torsos all around me. To my surprise, there was no blood, just dismembered body parts. I was confused, afraid, and mortified by the destruction around me.
A woman was with me. A woman I had never seen before. She was strong, confident, and reassuring. She spoke to me about how life is much like this field of body parts.
The destructive forces of war and death are a necessary part of life. You see, before you can build or create something new, the old useless constructs must be destroyed. It isn’t the good stuff that still serves us that must be destroyed, but the ideas, images, or theories that no longer benefit us. Stuff that we truly no longer need. It may be gruesome, ugly, and even frightening, but such is the concept of change. Impending change is a fearful and difficult experience that we really can’t avoid.
Suddenly, I found myself inside my house, safe, and secure. I looked around as if I expected to find something but I wasn’t sure what I was looking for. I was feeling an overwhelming sense of dread as I walked into a small room. As I entered this dimly lit room, I passed a mirror. I stood in front of it, staring down at my feet. I was always so afraid to look into mirrors as I passed them, especially in the dream world where nothing is as it seems.
The woman was now standing near me in the room, encouraging me to look up. “Look into the mirror” she urged. I struggled and tried to argue. She wouldn’t accept my excuses. I finally got the courage to look. I raised my head and looked up into that mirror. You will never guess how frightening it was to see what I saw staring back at me. As I stared into the mirror, I saw a terrifying blue-faced hag staring back at me with a creepy grin.
She spoke to me. Her words terrified me even more than the image in the mirror. She said, “I am a part of you. Don’t be afraid”. She then cackled with a howl that could curdle the blood. My mind instantly went to the word Demon. She was frightfully ugly; How can that ugliness be a part of me?
I awoke to find myself in my room, in my bed, tucked warm and snug under the blankets. I, of course, jumped up and ran to look in the mirror to see my own face looking back at me. A few days later, I discovered a little passage about a Goddess called The Morrigan.
The Morrigan is the goddess of war, destruction, and death. My life was about to change and it was going to change me forever. Wars of a spiritual warrior are not always with others but within ourselves. I have been in a huge battle this year. A battle for my health, all three aspects of my health. Health as a whole is completed in mind, body, and spirit.
The crows were the messenger for me this year. When I see them hanging around in my personal space outside where I often meditate, and on the roof, I am reminded about The Morrigan and how she is a part of me. She no longer frightens me. In fact, I am glad that she is a part of me. Her strong attributes that I often feel behind me, are indeed reassuring. Lately, I have felt as if there was a powerful warrior pressing behind me, bringing out the Warrior in me.
In Love and Light,