As can be assumed by my last post, I have been ill. I have learned some things about myself over the last few weeks especially. I have heard over and over about how everyone has a story. This story defines three things, who we believe we are, who we want others to believe we are and who we really are.
I have always considered myself to be mostly self-aware. I have always known about my persona as a Witch. My public persona. We all create our own public persona and the diversity can be amazing. However, my perspective over the last few weeks has changed when I look at myself. I have realized something about myself that I really was stuffing in the back dark shadows of who I think I am.
In society, the population of people where we as humans exist, there are many stereotypes, misconceptions, and basic human social issues. Anyone who identifies with the label of Witch has to struggle with misconceptions about the various types of Witches. We all have a specific persona we create to represent who we think we are and what we want people to think of us.
I realized that I have several personas I display for different groups. I think of them as different masks. I realized that many of these masks don’t actually represent who I really am at all. For example, I have been playing the pretend game with relatives. The game where none of us really like each other but we put on fake smiles and hug each other and pretend we are best friends because we are related.
I came to the realization that I actually don’t like that game of pretend. Sure, We all wear our personas as a means of self protection but within a private social aspect of my life, I am not okay with being that fake. Something hit me as I fell into an argument with a sibling, on Facebook, Publicly. Half way through the disagreement, I realized the issue we were arguing about was not the real issue at all. The real issue, is I didn’t like the mask I wear for family for the sake of keeping the peace. I discovered that I don’t really like them. They are not the type of people whom I would even want to be associated with. I discovered about myself that although, they are all aware of my beliefs and thoughts and feelings, we don’t even have the same morals, values or core beliefs.
The persona of a particular Witch may vary but over all, many Witches try to oppose the stereotypes and misinformation. I discovered about myself that I was trying so hard to create an image for mainstream that I totally lost sight of the real Witch I am.
Thanks to an adverse reaction to a particular pain medication, I haven’t been responding well to issues that I feel passionately about. I am not sorry for what I said, I do regret how I said it. But, I realized, my persona as a Witch, didn’t represent my true feelings, beliefs, or personal practices.
The Witch I aspire to be and the Witch I am now have a new perspective. I realized, I enjoy and believe in diversity. I am strongly passionate about human rights. I truly believe that we all lose sight of the goal much like I did in that argument. What I have learned so far this year is to keep my focus on what is really important and real instead of creating a persona to battle misinformation.
Being ill has taught me many lessons and I have made new discoveries about myself I would not have learned otherwise.
In Love and Light,
I think i should remade who i really us today by reading let me now not to be afraide of anything.
So true, I recently became ill myself and during this time watching my children and the rest of the world moving so fast while I can’t, while I just sit back and watch it all happen around me has changed my views on so many things in life. While I’m not happy about being sick, I am grateful that I had this time of reflection. I see absolutely everything so different now. Things that most ppl never see BC LIFE is so busy and every one is always in such a hurry. And you are absolutely correct… That time also have me time to look at who I am and who I want to be and how others have always viewed me. It really is interesting. Ry for this article.
I always ask my friends if they feel that way about their families. I mean, I love them they’re family and all but I agree with you I do not feel a connection with them. I don’t share their ideas, beliefs or morals. I used to think it was bad and I shamed myself internally. Now, after some reflection, I realized we will always be different but it’s not my fault. They’re just people as well as I. I’m not as hard on myself anymore. It wont change things anyway.
We come to awareness when as all have written the tightens I too let my mask go and feel freely and truly connected self unfearful of what other say
Summer, you have really hit a chord here: authenticity vs. keeping the peace. I think most of your readers, to include myself, can meditate for days on this subject and still grapple with it, just the same. Kudos for the “soul food,” and I am happy that you are writing again.
thanks Scout. 🙂
I am sometimes very confused of my life and i trust this and i hope this will not let me down. I think the only people who use this are the ones that have problems and are confused. And that always helps beacause some times even thought, imagination and inner energy can make other people do good intentions to you. Omg I just wanted to do witchcraft 3 years ago and now i’m actually doing it at the age of 10
Although not in illness per say but rather in the form of a newly aquired and painful handicap restricting the use of my hands,I too have had to sit on the sidelines watching,listening, waiting and resenting as life continued on as though I did not matter. I found myself thinking of my two brothers, one Wiccan and one not, as to why I was sitting on those sidelines, alone…with the picture of what kind of witch I am, what kind of witch I thought I should be and what kind of witch others, in particular my brothers, perceived me to be…I found myself getting resentful that my fellow Wiccan brother did not offer his assistance or in fact even acknowledge that I was in severe crippling pain …I mean as his little sister witch I felt that he should be here but instead he was off living his own life and the other brother??? Haven’t heard from him in years, so obviously, he must think lesser of me and it had to be because I was a witch… after a little more reflection I began to realize that although I am a witch it was not because of being so that my siblings did not appear to my rescue, but more because of what kind of sister I was to them…in prejudging them and in turn myself to what I thought was their point of view of me, I never gave them the chance to offer let alone apply themselves to me….my negativity, not my wiccan spirituality chased them away from me. In realizing this I found that I could give myself the freedom to not only accept and get to know the witch in me but also an opportunity for my brothers as well,for they had never met the witch, only the sister.
I think that the majority of people muddle through their lives and never achieve the level of self-awareness that you have reflected upon. I am proud of you.