We see so many little memes that we like and share on social media. There are a lot of old sayings that I heard my mother quote often. During times of distress or dark periods of our lives, we may be told to Grin and Bear It. My ex would say to Suck it up. There are times that we will have to maintain our composure and move through a situation that is uncomfortable but it is not healthy to ignore the pain. This could be physical pain or emotional pain.
Let’s face it, sometimes life sucks and sometimes life can feel unbearable. Life ebbs and flows and can’t be all sunshine and butterflies. There are the dark miserable times too. We may be injured or sick or maybe grieving or hurting emotionally. That is a natural part of life too. For an empath, this may be a little extra when facing the pain of someone nearby. It is difficult to deal with the pain in life and easy to deal with the good moments. It can even be so unbearable to face the difficult times that we prefer to pretend life is all wonderful all the time and try to Grin and Bear It.
Life has it’s down moments and whoever said to Grin and Bear It was not only crazy but an asshole. Human beings need to face and experience the pain of dark times. I know a few people who have been diagnosed with cancer and some who are very ill physically or mentally. I have gone through some emotional and physical shitcakes too. Just last year, I was so ill and in so much pain I wondered if it was my time. Was I going to die? We have many scares in life. We try to avoid the bad stuff we expect but we can’t avoid what we least expect and often that is what gets us.
What gets us, those ebbs or difficult times in our life that we never even expected is what we have to face and yes, everyone will face difficult times in their life. One way that many people cope with these horrible, dark periods of life is to justify it. We can justify it from a negative perspective or we can justify it with something positive.
Both are normal and when we heal, we have a choice of how we respond. One friend who was diagnosed with cancer was faced with a choice. He could have either given up and not take the cancer treatment or he could choose to fight it with whatever modern methods he has available. He chose to fight it. He is doing well so far. Another woman I know chose to fight it too. She made it and was in remission for a year. She is now facing dark times again and this time she may not make it.
Her husband is experiencing his own side of this because he is in fear of losing her and having to live without her. He is watching her suffer. He is having a difficult time and there are two things to understand about this situation. One, He has a right to grieve and fret. Two, He has a right to have happy moments and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. He has every right to feel angry, or sad or a bunch of emotions all at once. When she passes, He has a right to feel relieved, confused, scared, sad, angry and even disappointed.
On the other hand, I know a couple whose wife was diagnosed with a disease that she thought was going to kill her and that she wouldn’t live long and that her husband would outlive her by 40 years or more. She thought she would die young. Life surprised her. She didn’t die. She is pushing 80 years old and her husband’s life if failing now. He may die before her. That is unexpected. While she still has the disease, she didn’t die like she expected. Now, they realize that life is full of the unexpected and no matter how prepared you try to be, you will be blindsided with something.
Screw the notion of Grin and Bear It! Face that shit head on and experience it fully. Experience the emotional experience and keep fighting through. We may have to fight through it but we don’t have to like that shit. There may be moments when we think we won’t make it but the one thing for sure is to not give up because there will be a flow.
While I was going through my stuff this past couple of years, I kept this thought. As long as I have breath, I can and I will. Watch me. I realized during what seemed to be a very dark moment in my life that as long as I am alive there is a chance for better times.
I was right. I am feeling pretty darn good these days. Oh sure, I am facing the normal aches and pains and ups and downs in life. That is unavoidable but emotionally, I am doing well. I know there are dark times ahead and I won’t like it one bit. In fact, I am going to hate it. And you know what? It’s okay. I may bear it but I don’t have to grin about it. I can be unhappy or even miserable during the dark times. As long as I face it for what it is, I am being true to myself.
Life ain’t always Sunshine and Butterflies or Rainbows and Unicorns. Sometimes It freaking sucks and if we survive it, it can really make us stronger and better.
In Love and Light,