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It has been a hard life as an Empathic Witch. It isn’t really about how deeply emotions are felt. Let’s face it, a real human being feels deeply. Compassion is one of those emotions that is expected to be felt from as early as we can remember for most people.
I remember growing up in a household of emotionless drones. I was made to feel like there was something wrong with me because I actually felt remorse for any transgression I might have committed especially emotions. My prayers always began with please forgive me for any sins I may have done even the ones I don’t know I did. I found myself praying for forgiveness for having a “bad attitude”, feeling sad or angry. Feelings of resentment or desiring justice for wrongs I had witnessed or experienced were not acceptable. I prayed to be forgiven for feeling normal emotions.
I felt compassion. I was teased because I felt compassion for others. I was teased that I wear the weight of the world on my shoulders. My deep love for others was taken advantage of, abused and even used against me. I was not allowed to express emotions. The worst part was that I could feel what others were feeling on top of my own feelings that I was not allowed to express. I was not allowed to express happiness of any kind, Anger, disappointment, hurt, deep grief from loss, sorrow, especially sorrow or sadness. Any display of emotion was a sign of weakness in my family and was dangerous for me.
Never let them see you sweat.
On a typical day as an adult, I would take my public transportation to my place of employment. On the way to my job, I would experience different emotions from others in close proximity on top of what I was already feeling because of events in my own life. There were times I fought so hard to hold the emotions back because someone was emotionally overwhelmed. By the time I was an adult, I had to learn to decern the difference between what I feel for myself and what I feel from/for others.
Arrival at work, I could feel the mundane emotions from each co-worker and even the boss. There were times on the job when I would experience the heightened emotions of a co-worker, a respondent, or client. The worst was when someone died. The person is left shattered in sorrowful grief. I had to excuse myself and take a break to regroup and pull myself together so that I could finish the day. It wasn’t my grief. That was the controlled environments. Let’s not even discuss working with the general public. The usual everyday feelings are manageable, However, there would be at least one person who was exceptionally messed up that day. Life Ebbs and Flows for everyone.
If I let out a giggle, it was okay, but if I burst into tears for no apparent reason, now that’s a little hard to explain. Another suck-ass part of being an Empath is when you feel what others are feeling and can identify what is causing those feelings.
You have a choice.
- you can remain silent and just have a weird look on your face and be perceived as an odd person.
- You can say something which arouses suspicions of how you know these personal details about the person and then verbally assaulted with paranoid accusations of spying on them.
- Or, you can work really hard at not showing your feelings and not saying anything allowing others to feel like their privacy is intact and you are none the wiser. No questions asked.
I have found it is easier to get through the day if the world believes you are oblivious.
The day closes finally by receding into solitude simply to brush off the world’s issues and finally be able to try to deal with your own feelings. It really sucks most days.
On the good note, it also makes it easy to know how someone who matters feels when they are around you. You can predict possible outcomes in business deals or even get that boost from someone who is truly happy about something.
The most difficult thing is shutting down just to make it through the day and get stuff done. The biggest problem with that is an Empath can’t feel their own feelings if they shut down the feelings of others. I often shield when I am around others and it makes it feel sort of muffled.
I try to cleanse often and sometimes when I am going through my own stuff, I have difficulty washing away the day. I find myself happiest when I am alone. Not because I like solitude but because sometimes I just need a freaken break to let my guard down and be myself and deal with my own bullshit.
That is a typical day of an Empath. Granted, some are better at shielding than I am. Some are not. Dying inside or being extremely happy or feeling anything and not showing it, now, that is a lifetime of conditioning from the monsters that roam free in Society.
Overall, being an Empath is bittersweet. It is both a curse and a blessing.
In Love and Light,